So Harry Potter has a Ministry of Magic that sets policy for and oversees all things magic. Ok, maybe this analogy isn’t great because in the latest installment the ministry has gone to the dark side, but, as I was reflecting on my former life in the “working” realm and all the benefits that “never at home” moms miss out on because they are not “working” outside the home, and I decided that I am going to create a Ministry of Mommies. This Ministry will provide support and benefits to all those “never at home” mommies who work their butts off everyday!
On a very brief side note that I think is an indication as to how much fun I'm having . . . Superego (my 9 year-old) turned to me today as I was belting out the Glee version of Rebecca Black’s “Friday”, and said “I have come to the conclusion that you are not going to be a normal mother.” My reply as I pulled down my sunglasses and looked at her . . . “and?! . . . Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday . . . ” Oh, I digress . . .
Anyway, back to the Ministry of Mommies. Here’s what I learned about all the benefits that mommies are somehow not entitled to once they begin working in the home rather than outside the home, and how the Ministry is going to help those mommies.
1) Workers Compensation – I cannot think of someone who should be more eligible for this benefit than moms. We do the heavy lifting, are constantly bending over to pick up countless toys and runaway socks; clean clogged toilets because little girls can’t remember to flush (oh, maybe that’s just our house), rescue animals from any number of hazards they get themselves into, endure tantrums that could knock someone’s teeth out, put our health at risk with all of the child sick days, urgent care and dr. visits, and that's just what I can think of off the top of my head. The mommy ministry will not only provide compensation for all the necessary massages, mani/pedis, and cocktails, it will provide free babysitting for these appointments.
2) Disability – When momma’s down, there ain’t nothin’ gettin’ done – I'm putting my third grade grammar to good use, right?! So, the ministry would provide mom’s on disability a live in maid, live in nanny, private chef and any other specialty services needed to ensure that mom is able to make a full and speedy recovery. Well, maybe "speedy" isn't what we really mean. What we really mean is enough time for mommy to fully recover.
3) Sick Days - the Ministry will provide a stand in mommy to take care of all the things that
will not get done while mommy is sick, and to also be an ear for all the "mommy, mommy, mommy's" that will come from the children during the day. These are also known as BFF's.
4) Paid Vacation – in what other industry does an employee go on an unpaid vacation with their boss?! And by boss I mean the children, not the husband, but you can provide any definition that works for you. Only in the "never at home" mommy realm do we actually choose to vacation with the very people who create all this work in the first place. So, to help with this, the Ministry of Mommies will provide a full service travel agency that only provides vacations and destinations that are child free and on request, girls only. Fathers and children are not allowed anywhere near the Ministry of Mommies’ travel agency. Alarms will sound if they come close!These benefits are open to improvements and recommendations. Please comment.
One area the Ministry cannot improve upon . . . compensation. There is nothing that makes you wealthier than a moment with your child when she shows you how much she appreciates and enjoys being with you. Those moments are priceless!