Saturday, May 26, 2012

On the road again . . .

So I’ve been at this mom thing for over a decade now, and for all that time I’ve been traveling with children.  And yes, I need my head examined.  You really think I would have learned a few things by now and that I would be much better prepared.  So when we left for memorial day and the kids said they had packed their carry-on backpacks with all the entertainment they could need, I really should have double checked what that meant.

Here’s what I learned about getting lazy about vacationing with your kids:

Monday, May 14, 2012

Mommy, we need a real maid . . .

. . . is what the baby says to me the other day.  My response “what, the one who sacrificed her body for you, cleaned up the sh*t off your butt, and to this day doesn’t gag when you throw up on her is not a ‘real’ maid?!”  Ok, maybe I didn’t say “sh*t” to her, but I was close!!  In her defense, she was making this statement right in the middle of having to make her lunch, and we all know how the “fake” maid feels about making lunches.

While the baby’s putting together the job description for the real maid, I’ve asked her to prepare one for a cruise director, personal trainer, chef, personal shopper, and while we’re at it, why don’t we add a seamstress whose sole job it is to sew on all the f*&%ing girl scout badges onto all THREE of their vests.

In the meantime, since all of those jobs have not been outsourced, I’ve been a bit behind in my writing. 
So today, as we all prepare for summer adventures, I thought I'd share our adventure last week to Disneyland.  The Superego (my oldest child) turned a DECADE old.  By the way, how the hell did that happen?!  I’m still 16, how do I have a kid who’s now counting her age in decades?!  For this 10th birthday we were smoking crack and decided to take her and a friend to Disneyland.  We even convinced my sister and both sets of grandparents to join us on this crazy adventure.

Here’s what I learned when the adults outnumber the kids at the Happiest Place on Earth: