Tuesday, October 22, 2013

5K your way to family fun!

So what happens when in May you decide to sign up for a “color run” 5k that happens in October?

It won’t be until the day of the run that you will realize it is the same day as:

     1)   the day AFTER you took a hot yoga sculpt class for the first time (and hence you cannot walk 15 feet to say nothing of running 3.1 miles);

     2)   the football game for which your daughter is a cheerleader starts one hour after the START time of the race and the game is 30 minutes from where the run is located;

     3)   There will be TWO birthday parties for your oldest child, both of which are 30 minutes from your house and for which you will have to trek back and forth because you look like a muppets character and need to get to a shower in between;

     4)   There will also be a cocktail party for you and your husband at which you still look ridiculous with blue hands and a Happy tattoo on your arm

Who knew that when they say “color run”, they mean “this sh*t is going to turn your hair, nails, toes, fingers, butt crack and everywhere in between purple, pink, blue, yellow and colors of the rainbow that even Crayola hasn’t invented.”  My underwear is still pink!!!  Oh yeah, I said underwear!  That sh*t got everywhere!!!!

Here’s what we learned when mommy’s inability to keep track of the children's schedule results in looking like THIS all day:

This would be a great picture if it weren't for the fact that we have a sh*tty camera that decides to focus only sometimes.  Of course, you can't tell if the picture is in focus until you get it on a larger screen, so we didn't realize it at the time.  So, mommy decided that she's "keepin it real" and posting this crappy picture anyway because there isn't another one of the four of us in all our post race glory!  

Monday, October 14, 2013

Time out for the Ta Ta's!

Haaaa, made you look!

So I have just been informed by my Dr. that I should not get Ta Ta’s that look like that!  And Husband from Heaven just said "D@MN!!"  That was right before he also just put me on a blogging time out!!  

This picture from a Girl Scout event (yes, I said that-I’m irreverent everywhere and yet they haven’t revoked my membership card) reminded me that it’s that time of year again when even the football players are wearing pink and we are all reminded to fondle ourselves.  Oh yes, I just said that out loud!!  

In honor of the boobies, in addition to our Halloween nonsense, mommy decided to have the girls do a few projects for Breast Cancer Awareness.  Of course, it’s a bit odd talking about breasts to three girls who have no sign of boobies, and who’s mother’s boobs were sucked the life out of (literally) long ago. 

But alas, mommy decided to pursue it anyway,  and here’s what we learned when you turn the world pink:

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Mommy's drinking the kool aid . . .

. . . and definitely NOT the red-dye #5 kind.

Tis the season of Tricks and Treats, and we all know how much mommy likes to trick the children – why did I put them on this earth, after all??? 

So, as we enter this season of filling our kids and ourselves with crap of one kind and another, I figured it was time to reveal how to torture your kids all year long so that when they do get treats, you can actually throw in a few tricks!  And of course, it wouldn’t be Runamuk if a few of these tricks weren’t on mommy.  So here's what I've learned about playing with food:

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Confessions of a Multi-tasking mommy - Back to School Edition

School has been back in session for a little over a month, and fall is officially upon us.  So here’s the question I have - who’s the joker who made the one time you REALLY need a drink, the same time that you HAVE to drive your kids all over creation?!

Yeah, and the smart@$$ who named 5-7pm “Happy Hour” has never had to drive 3 children to 3 different activities in 3 different locations ALL AT THE SAME TIME beginning at 5 and ending at 7!  It occurs to me now that it should still be called the witching hour!  You know that time everyone prepares you for when the kids were babies and all holy hell would break loose and they would cry inconsolably for 2 hours.  Now that they are older, all holy hell still breaks loose, but it’s actually mommy who spends that two hours WANTING to cry inconsolably!!

So here’s what mommy has learned about back to school survival, and how to keep on adding to the Nana's custody file: