Tuesday, October 22, 2013

5K your way to family fun!

So what happens when in May you decide to sign up for a “color run” 5k that happens in October?

It won’t be until the day of the run that you will realize it is the same day as:

     1)   the day AFTER you took a hot yoga sculpt class for the first time (and hence you cannot walk 15 feet to say nothing of running 3.1 miles);

     2)   the football game for which your daughter is a cheerleader starts one hour after the START time of the race and the game is 30 minutes from where the run is located;

     3)   There will be TWO birthday parties for your oldest child, both of which are 30 minutes from your house and for which you will have to trek back and forth because you look like a muppets character and need to get to a shower in between;

     4)   There will also be a cocktail party for you and your husband at which you still look ridiculous with blue hands and a Happy tattoo on your arm

Who knew that when they say “color run”, they mean “this sh*t is going to turn your hair, nails, toes, fingers, butt crack and everywhere in between purple, pink, blue, yellow and colors of the rainbow that even Crayola hasn’t invented.”  My underwear is still pink!!!  Oh yeah, I said underwear!  That sh*t got everywhere!!!!

Here’s what we learned when mommy’s inability to keep track of the children's schedule results in looking like THIS all day:

This would be a great picture if it weren't for the fact that we have a sh*tty camera that decides to focus only sometimes.  Of course, you can't tell if the picture is in focus until you get it on a larger screen, so we didn't realize it at the time.  So, mommy decided that she's "keepin it real" and posting this crappy picture anyway because there isn't another one of the four of us in all our post race glory!  

     1)   When you leave your house at 6:30am, be sure to CHECK THE BABY’S FEET.  Otherwise, she may step out of the car for a 3.1 mile run in UGG BOOTS.  Mommy is mad at herself for not taking a photo of this one, but you can only imagine what went through Husband from Heaven’s mind when he asked “seriously, you’re going to run in boots?!”  BUT, never fear because just when you start to panic, the abyss of your car MAY pay off when you find the baby's athletic shoes are still in the car from the previous Thursday’s cheer practice.  So proud that our failure to be clean paid off!!

     2)   When you are at a run where they throw powdered paint on you, you MAY see some of the runners with face masks and you’ll find yourself thinking “huh”, I wonder why they have that.”  And then, at mile .25, you will find out!!

They "shower" you with powdered paint all along the route!  Next time I'll get a picture of the paint clouds!
      3)   After the run, this MAY be your list for your cheerleader:
           Pom Poms - Check
           Cheer Uniform - Check
           Pink Bow (it is October, after all) - Check
           Blue Hair - Check - Wait, WHAT!!!

      When the baby has a football game to cheer at RIGHT AFTER the run ends, DO NOT give her a big packet of blue paint at the finish line and say “go ahead, have fun”!  What kind of dumb@$$ says this to a 7 year-old who has to go and cheer at a football game?!  She actually made it to the finish line fairly unscathed and then took a huge handful of blue paint and stuck it right on her head.  The sh*t didn't come out for 8 days!!!  Thankfully the team’s colors were blue and green and no one really noticed that my child had blue hands, blue hair, blue socks, blue in her armpits!  That sh*t was everywhere!!

Thank goodness they wore the long sleeves that day.  Oh, and notice the red socks . . . yeah, those are supposed to be "no show" white socks.  And no, the red was not from the color run.  Mommy is the worst cheer mom ever!!!
      4)    When you ask your child to take a picture of your belly that has also turned green, ask her NOT TO ZOOM IN!  For if you do not, you may find that the paint will actually HIGHLIGHT your stretch marks!!  And then your kid will say, mommy, what’s wrong with your tummy???

Of course, I gave the only appropriate response to the Superego's inquiry - "YOU did this to me!!!!!"  And no, I can't believe I just posted this on the internet.  
      6)   When you put a “Happy” tattoo on your arm, just know that the “temporary” part of “temporary tattoo” is bullsh*t.  It was day 6 and my arm still looked like this:

We did have a “Happy” time (even if the Superego looks really annoyed - which she was), and would definitely do it again - of course, I'd be lying if I said next year wouldn't have some sort of post-race insanity too!

This was the Superego's best attempt at a happy smile.  She was annoyed mommy was taking her picture!  And yes we're 5 years too soon for 16 and sassy!  CRAAAAAAAAP!

Of course, I'd like to see just how many times I can get the Superego to give me that face.  So, we're doing a few more races this year.  If you're looking for a couple of upcoming fun races with the kids, try:


The Neon Run on April 12th (this one they do in the dark and they throw glow in the dark paint and have laser beams, etc.)

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