Monday, October 14, 2013

Time out for the Ta Ta's!

Haaaa, made you look!

So I have just been informed by my Dr. that I should not get Ta Ta’s that look like that!  And Husband from Heaven just said "D@MN!!"  That was right before he also just put me on a blogging time out!!  

This picture from a Girl Scout event (yes, I said that-I’m irreverent everywhere and yet they haven’t revoked my membership card) reminded me that it’s that time of year again when even the football players are wearing pink and we are all reminded to fondle ourselves.  Oh yes, I just said that out loud!!  

In honor of the boobies, in addition to our Halloween nonsense, mommy decided to have the girls do a few projects for Breast Cancer Awareness.  Of course, it’s a bit odd talking about breasts to three girls who have no sign of boobies, and who’s mother’s boobs were sucked the life out of (literally) long ago. 

But alas, mommy decided to pursue it anyway,  and here’s what we learned when you turn the world pink:

1)  When you see something in a craft store and you have an “epiphany” great idea that involves children, paint and ribbon . . . get the f*&# out of the store before you cause yourself THIS kind of damage:

Seriously, where the f*&# is THIS picture in all those family fun magazines????!!!  I was checking out of Michaels, perfectly content with my purchases and then I saw it . . . 50% off plastic white pumpkins and then I saw the pink ribbon and then I thought of paint and really cute pink pumpkins on the doorstep and WELL, the rest is history!!!

Where the hell was the angel on my shoulder in that checkout line to tell me to stop?!  (Are you allowed to use those two words in a sentence together???)

I do have to say, the girls' pumpkins did turn out really cute.  :-)  It was the clean up that suuuuuuuucked!!!

2) When you decide to do this project, make sure you inform your friend to send her child to your house in appropriate painting clothes.  Otherwise, before you are through, her ruffled shirt, pretty white sweater, white pants and white tank top will all be sporting beautiful shades of breast cancer pink!  Seriously, next time I’m just going to have the kids strip down naked for the painting part.  Oh, wait, that’s probably not appropriate.  There’s got to be something else I can do.  Oh that’s right, DO NOT LET CHILDREN PAINT . . . DUMB@$$!!!!

3) When you decide to kill two birds with one stone and make Jack Skellington cupcakes with pink ribbon noses, make sure you have the pink food coloring, DUMB@$$.  Otherwise, you may find that you are trying to make noses out of sprinkles.  Who does this?!  Oh, that’s right, a mommy who is doing her best to look like an @$$ to her children and avoid going to the store (which wouldn't matter anyway because she refuses to buy the pink food coloring - again, pain in her own @$$!!

This one's going on my anti-pinterest (What sh*t really looks like . . . erest) site too!
And finally . . . 
4) When explaining the project to the children, be a little clearer when you tell them to put "Jack Skellington's eyeballs" on the cupcake.

The Superego thought I just meant one eyeball on each cupcake when really I meant two eyeballs.  But, luckily, these turned out looking like one nipple so it technically served the purpose too!  And, of course, if you're the Id, you will have plenty of mommy's underwear to hold up to serve as a one boob bra!

It's hard to forget that it's breast cancer awareness month, but also be mindful that it is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month too! We need to protect and support those who suffer unspeakable violence at the hands of those closest to them.  In case you are interested in ways you can help, below are a few resources for both Domestic Violence programs as well as Breast Cancer awareness and support for families.   

Breast Cancer Resources
Camp Kassem - This is an annual summer camp for children who have lost parents to cancer, or whose parents are undergoing treatment.  They have a wish list that they provide as well as other ways to support.

Support a rummage sale for those raising money for the breast cancer 3-day walk.  Our cupcakes were donated to a sale that occurred over the weekend and we also gave away a dresser that they could use.  Keep an eye out for ways you can support your friends who are walking

Family Lives on Foundation Preserves the family traditions and holidays of bereaved children and families who have lost a loved one to cancer.

Domestic Violence Resources
Futures without Violence Provides multiple resources from training to advocacy.

San Diego Family Justice Center.  A comprehensive facility here in San Diego to assist with any domestic violence issue.

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