On the road again . . .

So I’ve been at this mom thing for over a decade now, and for all that time I’ve been traveling with children.  And yes, I need my head examined.  You really think I would have learned a few things by now and that I would be much better prepared.  So when we left for memorial day and the kids said they had packed their carry-on backpacks with all the entertainment they could need, I really should have double checked what that meant.

Here’s what I learned about getting lazy about vacationing with your kids:

Mommy, we need a real maid . . .

. . . is what the baby says to me the other day.  My response “what, the one who sacrificed her body for you, cleaned up the sh*t off your butt, and to this day doesn’t gag when you throw up on her is not a ‘real’ maid?!”  Ok, maybe I didn’t say “sh*t” to her, but I was close!!  In her defense, she was making this statement right in the middle of having to make her lunch, and we all know how the “fake” maid feels about making lunches.

While the baby’s putting together the job description for the real maid, I’ve asked her to prepare one for a cruise director, personal trainer, chef, personal shopper, and while we’re at it, why don’t we add a seamstress whose sole job it is to sew on all the f*&%ing girl scout badges onto all THREE of their vests.

In the meantime, since all of those jobs have not been outsourced, I’ve been a bit behind in my writing. 

So today, as we all prepare for summer adventures, I thought I'd share our adventure last week to Disneyland.  The Superego (my oldest child) turned a DECADE old.  By the way, how the hell did that happen?!  I’m still 16, how do I have a kid who’s now counting her age in decades?!  For this 10^th birthday we were smoking crack and decided to take her and a friend to Disneyland.  We even convinced my sister and both sets of grandparents to join us on this crazy adventure.

Here’s what I learned when the adults outnumber the kids at the Happiest Place on Earth:

Confessions from a multi-tasking mommy

Ok, I’ve said it before and now I’m having to repeat myself for my own good . . . Multi-tasking is bullsh*t!

Between the move and balancing my full time job (Stay at home mommyhood) with my part time job as a nonprofit fundraiser, I have managed to do a half @$$ job at just about everything these days.  I’ve decided that anyone who tells you they are a “great multi-tasker” really means, “I’m a great half-@$$er”!

So here’s what I’ve learned about multi-tasking:

I surrender . . . to the lunchbox

So before I start my post today, I want to give an anonymous shout out to the mom who I saw in the grocery store parking lot in her stylish high heels, very cute business dress carrying one child to the car while asking the other child (who had no desire to pay attention to her mommy) to sit in her seat so her seatbelt could be tightened.  The kids had to be about 2 and 4 years old and I started having flashbacks remembering that life.  As I was walking into the grocery store in my flip flops and shorts looking like a 16 year old who just got her driver’s license, I realized just how different my life is.  So, props to my “sister” and all those other mommies in high heels who have no idea who I am, but the universe knows I’m giving them a shout out and they'll feel it somehow because we all have secret mommy mind reading superpowers!

As I mentioned in the last post, I’ve been part of the “Ultimate Blog Party” this week where  I’ve visited and am following some sites, have some new friends following my insanity and I’ve realized something . . . I am as much of a party animal in the virtual world as I am in the real world.  Which is to say that I’m a complete loser who can’t seem to get her act together enough even to party!  I have not had time to post at all this week because I’m too busy chasing my life and don’t have time to put down all the moments that I would love to share so that you can laugh at . . . I mean, with, me!

But, today, I couldn’t take it anymore . . . I had to confess that I have finally accepted my fate that one of my “job duties” as a stay at home mom is to make lunches.  Yes, for Bree VandeCamp type mommies the first thing they do after they drop the children off in the morning is make the beautiful lunch with cutout sandwiches for the next days lunch.  For me, this task is right up there with a visit to the gynecologist.  It's a necessity, but no one would choose to do it.  (By the way, Husband from Heaven is horrified I just made that reference.  I might be put on a blogging time out).  :-)  I have literally fired nannies because they kept forgetting to make the girls lunches and it annoyed me.  When I first became a SAHM I would make the excuse that I couldn’t make the girls lunches because they wouldn’t eat what I put in them.  So everyday I would go through the painful 20 minute process of corralling the children to make their own lunches.  And then, yesterday, it happened . . . I got the Dear Mrs. Dugdale call that might as well have been a call saying “I’m sorry, but this is the last straw, we are going to have to call CPS”.

Here’s what I've learned the last few days about cutting corners and secret mommy superpowers:

Learning (the hard way) to be a mom!

A warm welcome to my new friends from the Ultimate Blog Party!  I love any opportunity for fun, and especially when the word “Ultimate” is involved! 

For those of you who have been following me for a while, the Ultimate Blog Party is an opportunity to introduce new people to me and my crazy adventures with the Trifecta.  It’s also a chance to relive where it all began. 

If you’re new to Recovering Working Mom, here’s some background.  I found out my job was eliminated in October 2010 and I cried. Partly because a job that I absolutely loved was no longer available to me, but mostly because I was terrified of being a stay at home mom.  The first words my husband said to me were “honey, it’s ok, if you eat one of the children, we can always make more.”  (and we make some pretty cute ones too)

Although I was terrified, I decided I was going to enjoy every minute of my stay at home motherhood, and also follow the advice from a calendar that my mom had given me for Christmas. It's entitled "Life is All About How You Handle Plan B". Well, I can now say I've taken full advantage of this Plan B thing (and no, I have not enjoyed every minute, but I have managed to find the humor in most of those minutes).

When I’m not looking for the humor or a reason for a cocktail, I search for ways to create easy family fun.  In my first year home with my three girls (nicknamed Id- 5, Ego- 7, and Super Ego- 9) I attempted to have 365 days of Family Fun.  Little did I know how much work “fun” can be, and that “fun” is a relative term.

 I quickly discovered that there’s a reason they don’t actually offer a formal education in stay at home motherhood – who would sign up for classes entitled “Cleaning up vomit 17 times in 3 days” or “How to take gracefully being screamed at by your boss in the middle of a crowded grocery store”, or my personal favorite “How to get your children to 3 different activities that start and end all at the same time, without needing a drink to survive.”  Despite my post graduate education, I found out that I didn’t know sh*t! 

Here are the top 7 stay at home motherhood lessons I’ve learned the hard way (or what I affectionately call “The Sh*t my stay at home mom friends never told me)”:

 1) Girls Night Out is code for "essential therapy without which I would actually eat my young."

 2) "Stay at home" mom is code for "at the gym, grocery store, dance studio, soccer field, insert child's activity location here, child's classroom, and any of the other 15 places I'm needed other than home".

 3) Hurry up and wait is a way of life.

 4) Sitting down is not an option. The time you actually sit down when you're "at home" is less than 45 minutes, and all of those minutes are spent in the car on your way to the activities you decided would make your kids "well rounded". No wonder my nannies were so exhausted.

5) Those closets you thought you'd clean out are still as cluttered as ever, and might be more so because you are home now so you can stuff a bunch more crap in them.

6) The exhaustion you feel is because you have just been verbally poked for hours straight by miniature versions of yourself.

7) If the CIA wants an effective form of torture - they should put terrorists in a minivan at 4pm with three children who have not had a snack or a nap.

And I’ve now added a #8 – L I C E is a four letter word that should be preceded by f*&#ing!  When your kids come home with it twice in two months, you’ll be cussing in languages you never knew you knew.

As a result of the hardest lesson learned - that there is just no way to keep up with “365 days of family fun” - I now owe one of my friends a drink.  Don’t tell her that was all part of my plot to get a girls night out - See #1.

Despite all the insanity, and lots of b*tching along the way, I wouldn’t change a thing and I really have enjoyed this gift that I didn’t even know I wanted.

What are some of your stay at home mom lessons (I’m always looking for the best way to keep myself out of trouble)?

"Hunt"ing for Camp Runamuk fun!

Yesterday (ok, actually it was now 2 days ago because I have been fighting with my internet connection for the last hour - AND, E.B. has to get up in 5 hours to hide the you know whats, and boy is he going to be cranky!!!) OK, back to the show . . . Friday was the last day of Camp Runamuk and I decided to host the First Annual Dugdale Trifecta Easter Egg Hunt.

Here’s what you get when you have 4 mommies + 14 kids + 225 eggs + 12 tons of sugar =

How many of these kids are actually yours?!

. . . was the question from the Dish Network installer at my house today as we were entertaining 14 yes, I said FOURTEEN, children.

Today we had Camp Runamuk, Day 2 – Gettin’ Dirty.  We made “mud” cupcakes, bird houses, paper butterflies and mommy made a sad attempt at a cardboard boomerang . . .

. . . and here’s what we learned: