Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Mommy's sooooo grateful for her break . . .

. . . from Spring Break!

Could anyone hear my sigh of relief when I woke up yesterday and realized I would NOT have to entertain these muppets for 16 hours???

Spring Break was last week.  You know that time when we all get a sneak peek at what summer vacation will look like.  Well, this mommy is exhausted from her weeklong sneak peek and there are at least two empty Skinny Girl bottles to prove it!

We had Runamuk Shenanigans that lasted all week long and ended with the second Annual Fools Egg-Cinco Hunt (which I’ll cover in another post)!

But first, here is what I learned about summer sneak peeks!  And just for grins, this post will be in Spring Break riddles:

     1)   What starts with sand in little butt cracks, has a stick shift and balls in the middle and ends with steroids?! 

No, it is NOT a doped up baseball player in a speedo on the beach (and yes, HfH just revoked my blogging privileges for my completely inappropriate reference) – it’s actually Day 2 of Trifecta Spring Break.  In true mommy overachieving fashion, the Trifecta in one day went to the beach, 

The water was FIFTY-FIVE DEGREES!!!!  I still can't believe they went in.
 Raced go-karts,

The girls had so much fun.
AND THEN went to swim, play tennis and eat tacos

all while MOMMY had a nasty eye infection that she thought was allergies or sand from the beach and actually ended her up on steroids!  SH*********T!

This picture does not do justice to the misery mommy was in.  Note to self, when your
contacts irritate you TAKE THEM OUT immediately!  Duh!!!
      2)   What starts with “Can I serve as guardian for your kids” and ends with “please tell me you were joking when you said you sent the trampoline park waiver to my husband”. 

That would be a phone call with your friend with whom you have left your children because you cannot drive because you have an eye infection that is SO BAD that if you stand in the sunlight for more than 4 seconds you turn into a vampire and start melting. 

When this happens to you, make sure that you sign the trampoline park waiver BEFORE it gets to your lawyer husband.  For if you do not, you may have to respond to the inquiry "you weren't actually going to sign this thing, were you?"  To which you will contemplate a response such as: "You have two choices:

a. sign the waiver, cross your fingers nothing happens to the children who will be entertained for three hours and thus mommy will have regained her sanity and thus you will still have children because mommy hasn't eaten them OR

b. don't sign the waiver and I'm dropping their @$$es off at your office!"

Against his better judgment HfH did sign the waiver, but gave mommy sh*t for it all night.  Of course, mommy left out the part about how the trampoline waiver was only one of THREE I had signed that week.  (HfH just revoked my parental supervision privileges for the summer - shwew, now I'm off the hook!!!!)  Oh, maybe that was just wishful thinking in my post spring break delusional state.

Taking a brief break before getting back out there and jumping their hearts out.
3)   What starts with your friend saying to you “my kids are going to a really fun activity on Friday, would you like to join us?”  and ends with every single one of your children in tears and huge welts on their bodies?!  Yes, that would be Paintball!!  

      I’m not sure whether I had had too much Skinny Girl the night before I agreed to do this activity, but lets just say that momma needs to lay off the sauce.  Of course, mommy thought she was so tough getting into that arena also.  After the Id wanted to go out after 10 minutes mommy was only too happy to HAVE to take care of her little baby.  Holy Sh*t those little balls hurt!  And yes, this did just make it into Nana’s custody file. 

The Ego getting ready.  It looks like she has padding, but literally she's wearing a
hockey jersey that is adult 2XL and has absolutely no padding in it!  

The Ego's injuries - it's hard to see through the paint and ball fragments,
but the red spots are where it broke the skin a little.

The Superego's injuries - you can see it swelling a little and the red mark.  And yes, she did have head gear on!
We survived our spring break staycation with only a few injuries, but a whole lot of laughs.

Here are mommy’s Spring Break (or summer for that matter) San Diego Staycation Recommendations (and what to run from):

     1)   K1 Speed - We had a Groupon and each kid did 2 races (we ran out of time so we still have 2 more left, and will definitely be going back for more).  They had a blast!

     2)   Downtown Children’s Museum - it took a little while for the kids to warm up to the activities (they claimed to be bored after a while, until they got to the "build your own food truck" exhibit and then we couldn't get them out of there).  The museum is probably best for kids ages 6-10.  Our kids especially enjoyed clay making and painting.

Painting a tractor

Making paper

Playing in the sound kitchen (they could make music with kitchen utensils)

     3)   Sky High Trampoline Park - the kids especially enjoyed playing dodgeball.

     DO NOT go to San Diego Paintball Park.  The girls were really excited about this.  On their website they try to assure parents of the safety of the game and that there are very few injuries caused by paintball.  They even promote that they have "child versions" of the paintballs that are smaller and don't hurt as much.  Yes, this is true . . . if you are wrapped in f*&#ing bubble wrap and 7 rolls of Charmin!!!!

These are only two of the injuries on this poor kid.
      My children and I have the welts to prove that while we didn't end up in the ER, those little f*#&ers hurt and can be extremely dangerous.  

      And, as far as protective gear - they gave us 2XL size hockey jerseys to put over our clothes and had protective eye and face gear - nothing for our head, nothing for our backs or other extremities.

They look like Hannibal in dresses!
      This could have been a much safer and more enjoyable experience if there had been some sort of protective gear (that we were told over the phone that they had).  My favorite protective gear . . . (not pictured because we were too traumatized to remember to take a photo) the shirt my friend had that had naked ladies and the word "B*tches" all over it!  

      Now, of course, as any good parent of the year should, I admit that taking my young kids to paintball in the first place was an idiotic thing to do, but this experience was so unpleasant I wouldn't even recommend it to adults!!  Next time we're Laser Tagging it!!!

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