Here’s what I learned about getting lazy about vacationing with your kids:
1)
At 4am when you leave for the airport, you won’t
give a crap what’s in their backpacks.
You’ll assume that because they’re full, they must have some useful
stuff in them right?! Well, here’s what happens when you notice the baby is weighed
down by her backpack and when you check what’s in it you will discover that her
older sister has put the ENTIRE F*&%ING SET of Beverly Cleary books in the
backpack. Yes, that’s right, the Ego
(middle child) decided that on a four day trip she was going to read all 14 of
the Beverly Cleary books. Girlfriend has
had the books for a year and hasn’t cracked one of them open. And, yet, she decided that today was going to read them all and also make her
sister carry them all the way to Indianapolis.
I do not even want to know what the people at the airport at 5am were thinking as they heard me yelling at my
daughter; I was madder at myself for not double checking than I was at
her for trying to kill her sister with over a dozen books in her bag. Was she planning to push her sister out of
the plane mid-flight and just wanted to make sure she’d sink?!
2)
When you ask the baby to pack her own snacks,
make sure you specify that the snacks need to make it into her backpack – that
is, if she has room after the dozen books.
She swears up and down she got snacks, and I’m certain that I saw a bag
of pirate booty on the table. I just
didn’t realize it was hers, and of course, she thought it would magically
appear in her backpack. So, leg one of
the flight was miserable because she was screaming about how hungry she
was. Seriously, am I new here?! –
Momma’s should NEVER leave the house without a snack and sanitizing wipes in
their bra! D@MNIT!!!!
3)
Just because an 8 oz. bottle of expensive
conditioner fits into a quart size bag does not mean they will let you on the
plane with it. I don’t know what the
hell I was thinking. I put the
children’s conditioner in a quart size bag and thought “ok, it fits, so they’ll
let me on with it”. The guy at the
airport could see my anguish in trying to decide whether to tell Husband from
Heaven I’d have to check my bag, or just buy another bottle. I’m certain HfH would pick "check the bag" if
he knew how much the bottle cost, but I didn’t have the energy to tell him at
5am! Lets see if he’s still reading the
blog . . . I’ll let you know if he ever asks how much that bottle cost! J
4)
Always be grateful to your father-in-law who
sends you drink coupons for use on your flight.
I don’t understand how he knew we’d need that. Of course, the first chance I got I ordered a
Bailey’s – I figured it was at least close to breakfast like fare. I thought HfH was going to pretend he wasn’t
with me when he said “you do know it’s 8am, right?” YES, but we’ve been up since 4am and I need
something to dull the pain of the baby’s voice.
Number one moral of
the day . . . when you’ve made it through security relatively unscathed and
your children are all settled with their Starbucks coffee cake you bribed them
with, DO NOT say the following to your husband “we’ve actually turned a corner
and it’s nice to travel with them now”. Immediately thereafter one of the children will kick a suitcase into your husband’s shin; the baby will be reprimanded for kicking a lady’s seat; that same baby will yell at you the entire flight “I’M BORED” despite having several markers, stamps, and a movie to watch; or my personal favorite . . . when you land, the flight crew will tell you this is your through aircraft and 5 minutes later will tell you that you need to disembark immediately and run 15 gates to meet your actual plane that they’ve switched you to . . .
There can be a bright side, however. The Nana and Sir met us in Denver, so the Id (the baby) and the Ego sat with Nana for leg two. She, of course, looked like she could use one of those drink coupons by the time we got off the plane!!
Weekend's off to an interesting start, so we’ll see how the rest of the weekend goes . . .
including what’s supposed to be the hottest Indy 500 in many years – While HfH and other family members are at the race, the Nana and I will be at
the air conditioned Children’s Museum!!!! We'll see who got the better end of the deal.
DO NOT say the following to your husband “we’ve actually turned a corner and it’s nice to travel with them now”.
ReplyDeleteWondering if there is ever a time to say that?
Oh traveling with kids... it makes for great blog posts though right? Just ask Ramona the Brave.
Ok, THAT just made me laugh out loud!! Hilarious.
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