Saturday, June 9, 2012

Let the Summer Games Begin . . .

Ok, so the summer games aren't for several more weeks, but for stay at home moms, the fun has just begun.
It’s the first day of summer and we all know what that means . . . stay at home mommies like me are making sure their liquor cabinets are fully stocked . . . oh, wait, I mean . . . they are making sure that the first order of business is to take the Ego (the middle child) and the Id (the baby) to a bar an hour and ½ from home . . .
Camp Runamuk doesn’t start until next week, so today I didn’t have anything planned.  BUT, I needed to gather some Germany themed items for an auction basket for an event I am chairing.  So, like any good multi-tasking, over-achieving mommy, I decided to drive the girls an hour and ½ away because it would take all day, they’d be strapped down to one place, they couldn’t mess up my house, and it could be a fun adventure.  I think I may have been drunk when I came up with this idea. 

We went to Old World Village in Huntington Beach for the sole purpose of gathering authentic German items and scoring some tickets to the Oktoberfest that happens there in September/October.  Apparently this is “one of the best Oktoberfests in Southern California”.
Here’s what I learned about the first day of summer, and what happens when you put 2 kids in 1 car for 3 hours all for a 2 hour pit stop in search of a Biergarten:

1)  First and foremost, I have to ask . . .whose cruel joke was it that the one day I can lounge around and watch the Today show (and learn about another dip sh*t Hollywood teenage bride in Daisy Duke shorts - ala Miley Cyrus) – I wake up to learn my TV’s been hijacked by the President and an economic press conference.  Are you f*&)ing kidding me?!  Talk about a summer vacation buzz kill!  By the way, just as an aside, any time I am questioning my parenting skills, all I need to do is open a People magazine and see just how bad I really COULD be!

2)  Children are like dogs . . . they can sense when you are neglecting them.  Those little boogers were fast asleep for an hour in the car.  The minute I received a phone call and needed them to be quiet, they decided to laugh and smack the crap out of each other.  I may have taken away their birthdays I was so mad.  I can’t remember exactly what I said because when the Ego said “well, what are you going to do to us?”, at that moment I think I blacked out from rage.

DO NOT let these sweet faces fool you.  They are in a bar and are moments away from a bar fight!!!
3)      When you are in the car with your children and you are listening to music that is on your iPhone, just remember . . . there really is no way to mute the cuss words in the Maroon 5 song “Payphone”.  Those lyrics even made me cringe.  I guess they really do mean “explicit language” when they put that little black and white sticker on the corner of the song cover.  That’s the last time I let their auntie tell me “yes, the Wiz Khalifa version is the one you want”.

And speaking of their auntie . . . in my last post I bet you all that HfH would ask how much the conditioner was if he actually read the post.  Well, my sister outed me and my expensive conditioner.  On her way to the Indy 500 with my husband, father, daughter and in-laws, my sister read the blog post out loud and before she could finish the paragraph about the conditioner Husband from Heaven said “how much did that cost?”  For the record, it was $12.  By hair product standards, very reasonable.  However, for someone who doesn’t pay more than $8 for a haircut, to say nothing of a hair product, I know that HfH was absolutely dying inside.  But, alas, I was protected by the fact that he spent 5 hours in 95 degree heat and  I think his brain was too fried to get upset by the time he got home!!
As for my adventures today, if you are ever up in Huntington Beach area during Oktoberfest time, Old World Village would be a great place to stop by.  They speak German, sell German produce and even have all their magazines in German.  Such a cute enclave of old Germany that is mere feet from Costco and a huge mall!   

Who knew they have disco balls in the alps?!

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