Thursday, June 21, 2012

Serenity Now!

Today was one of those days where at the end of it I keep hearing George’s father say “serenity now” (if you don’t know this reference, you need to watch some Seinfeld reruns)! 

Day 8 of quintet motherhood and momma’s losing her mind.  Right now I’m locked in my bedroom watching the Real Housewives of New Jersey to remind myself that there are children out there who are disguised as adults, and they actually might be crazier than my children!!!

Here’s what I learned about knowing when you just need to say “mommy’s off the clock”:

1)      The very first thing you hear in the morning is “daddy, the dog pooped in the living room”.  Your husband will then say to that child “ok, go clean it up”.  Of course, an hour later when mommy goes into the living room she will find that not only did that child NOT clean up the dog sh*t, but the baby has driven a stroller through it thereby ensuring that there is dog sh*t ground into the floor and all over the stroller that has to go in your car so you can take it on an outing with the little ones.  Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!  That’s not a figure of speak, that’s literal.  It was everywhere.

This is the Nana's "big trouble" look.  Too good to pass up including this.  No, that's not the child who drove dog sh*t through the living room, but yes, that's the sh*t covered stroller!

2)      5 seconds before you pull your car away to take the children to summer camp your youngest says “mommy, I have something on my arm that really hurts and I need to show you”.  It is then that you realize she has been stung by a bee.  Then, like any good mother, you give the child a Benadryl, rub some essential oils on it, drop her off at camp and cross your fingers they don’t call you to tell you she’s passed out because of the Benadryl.  Of course, when you get the phone call from the nurse 3 hours later that she’s in the office, you will be rethinking this maternal strategy.  I suck, but what can I say, I was at Sea World with the little ones, and there was no way that two year old was letting me get out of that park without seeing the sharks first (yes, the sharks were more interesting than Shamu). 

3)      When you take your youngest child (the Id) to the pool, it won’t be until she comes to complain to you that her sister stole her goldfish that you realize she’s been having her snack WHILE IN THE POOL.  I cannot believe we didn’t get busted for this!

This looks like a great place for a snack . . . right in the middle of the water park.  Righ now I just want to point out the irony that you need a license for a dog, but any idiot can be a parent!!!
 4)      Oh, wait, it gets better.  How about when your oldest child suddenly comes out of the pool and says Love Bug (the 3 year old cousin) pooped; you then look over and the 3 year old is holding her @$&.  I won’t go into the graphic details of the clean-up on this one, but lets just say it’s gonna take a whole lot of alcohol to wipe away that memory!

 5)      When you have locked yourself in your room in order to find your “serenity”; and the “serenity” essential oil that you just put in your diffuser spills all over your carpet.  I was trying to take the advice of my massage therapist and relax, and I couldn’t even do that well today.  Just as I was trying to plug in the diffuser, it dumped all over the floor.  The day started with sh*t, had sh*t in the middle of it, and now all I can say is SH*T!

So, that’s it, I’m calling it a day and keeping myself locked in here.  Until tomorrow’s adventure to Legoland – by the way, it’s not really doping for a triathlon if you drink excessively, right?!
Before they got their treat they had to endure watching me do an ocean swim - gotta multi-task.  Of couse, Rosie (the 2 year old) is not happy with me that she has to take a picture before she can go to Sea World.  Now she knows how my kids feel!

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