Today was supposed to be Beach Day. But, the weather wasn’t cooperating, the mice that were running loose in the house had to be dealt with, oh, and remember the exploding microwave?! Yes, well, we had to wait during a 4 hour window for the technician to come by and tell us that it was not repairable. Seriously, the photos of the gaping hole in the ceiling of the microwave didn’t tell them that already?! Here’s a question, why does GE put the model and serial number of the microwave INSIDE of it. Because of the fires that took place in the microwave, the model and serial numbers had melted . . . DUH. Why are those on the inside of a machine intended to melt things?!
But, now all the broken appliances and rodents are taken care of (I mean the mice, not the children), and my husband’s coming home tomorrow – what do we need him for anyway?! On that note, quick shout out to all the single parents out there! Seriously, there’s a special place in heaven for those people.
And now, on to what I learned when instead of going to the beach we brought the beach to us, and the most cathartic moment of the day when the children turned the hose on me:
1) First up was a foam mermaid lagoon. If we can’t go swim with the sea creatures, we thought we’d bring them to life. Here’s the thing . . . those foam projects are messy. There’s so much trash and sticky foam pieces on our patio that it looks like a polluted beach. Shoulda just taken them to the beach to get sand in their butt cracks. That would have been easier to clean up.
2) Speaking of sand . . . the moron who invented sand art clearly did not have 5 to 9 year old children in mind. I now have a beach full of neon colored sand on my patio. Stick an umbrella in a drink, plop me in a chaise lounge, and I might as well be in cabo when the aurora borealis is out . . . oh, wait, you can’t see both of those at once, can you?! I think I might be delirious, or is it desperate?!
3) And finally, let’s talk about the water . . . Mommy had the brilliant idea that a water balloon fight was just the thing. You know you’ve screwed something up when you are asking the kids to pick up the balloon pieces and BFF Molly says “didn’t you get the biodegradable kind?” Honestly people . . . where are you BEFORE I get myself into these things?! I’m takin’ one of the “F’s” off of BFF. The kids were so desperate to throw balloons at me that they begged me to put on my bathing suit. We had 20 minutes before we needed to be somewhere, and quite honestly, I didn’t feel like putting my bathing suit on. So, I just walked out the back door and said “go for it”. It took the kids about 6 seconds to realize I was serious. For those brief fleeting moments when Superego was pelting me with the hose, and the other 3 (we added BFF Molly’s daughter to the mix here) were throwing water balloons at me, I think we all had an out of body experience. It was actually quite liberating to just let go and let the kids do something they never thought possible and for them, they just thought they were having some kind of surreal moment and that it would end soon so they’d get in as much torture as possible. When the buckets got pulled out is when mommy pulled the plug.
DO NOT, bring the beach to your house. Get your @$& in the car and drive out there . . . even if it’s only for an hour. Much cheaper and less brain damage.
DO let the kids pelt you with the hose and water balloons at least once. Don’t let it always be daddy who’s the fun one!
DO pull out some alcohol. At this beach you are allowed to have alcohol AND Glass. I’d also recommend a few girlfriends to keep you company!
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