Friday, December 2, 2011

Tis the season . . .

. . . to be overcommitted, double booked and drive yourself f*#&ing insane.  Is it just me, or is it always the case that when you are completely stressed out, chasing three kids around a store and trying to check out as fast as you can, the song “It’s the most wonderful time of the year” comes on.  Seriously?!  For who?!  I can guarantee that for all of us mommies out there who are trying to balance cookie parties, Santa lists, open houses, holiday performances, charity functions, oh, and let’s throw in a two week break from school, this is NOT the most wonderful time of the year.  Though not everyone will admit it, we’re all just hanging on until December 26th when everything is finished and we can finally sit down to rest – for 15 minutes before we have to clean up the holiday tornado that just hit our house.
Ok, ok, mommy is a bit cranky after coming home from her two week vacation.  I’m back into the full swing of double booking and over committing myself, oh, and throw in my husband’s birthday and you’ve got a recipe for a mommy who can no longer tell if she’s coming or going.  I even missed a massage appointment today. D@MNIT! 
This afternoon I thought it would be a great idea to fit in the following within two hours: 1) The Id’s 5 year old photos (because I realized that I actually need to still take them while she is 5 and not 5 and 11 months); 2) purchasing the items to finish up an ancestry project for the Ego; 3) purchasing items for an adopt a family program that have to be turned in tomorrow; 4) purchasing toiletries for the Superego’s Girl Scout project that has to be turned in tomorrow (actually it was today, but you’ll see below why I forgot about turning it in); 5) prepping for an art corps class for the Ego that will be at 8am tomorrow; and, because my mother-in-law decided to have her son on December 1st, 6)  purchasing the items for and baking my mother-in-law’s famous banana cream pie for my husband’s birthday.  I’m being punished for taking that vacation, aren’t I?!  J
For your enjoyment, here’s what I learned in those two hours:
1)      When you realize that you have to teach your daughter’s Art Corps class at 8am the following morning, and by school dismissal the day before you have not done anything to prepare, nor do you actually know how to prepare because you missed the training session for one of the hardest lessons so far, you MAY find yourself saying “it was the result of a drunken stupor” when your daughter asks you “Mommy, why did you agree to do Art Corps?”  If you’re lucky your child won’t hear the “drunken” part when you make this statement in front of the father of one of your daisy scout troop girls.  He’ll hear it and chuckle, but she won’t know the joke.  It wasn’t until right before we left that I actually realized the dad that was in the Art Corps room with me was the father of one of the Id’s Daisy Scout friends.  Oooooops!  Luckily he had just suffered through a paint project with kindergarteners so he was thinking the same thing!

2)      When you send your older two children to shop for “Adopt-a-family” items in Sears while you are in the portrait studio with your youngest child, when you get out of the photo shoot, you may not want to start calling your children’s names throughout the store in order to find them.  The store clerks MAY mistake you calling your children for you having lost the children in the store and they MAY put out an APB on the kids.  Rather than admitting that you had actually let your children loose in the Department store unattended, you MAY pretend that you did lose the children.  I’m not saying that’s what happened, I’m just saying that could happen and you MAY be a bit embarrassed when one of the employees says into the radio – “it’s ok, we’ve got a 20 on them and they’re safe”.  Oooooooops.

3)     When it’s your husband’s birthday, you MAY want to do a bit more planning ahead when trying to make his mother’s banana cream pie.  Otherwise, you MAY find that when your husband comes home he will call you from his cell phone in the driveway wondering why the children have locked him out of the house.  Well, I’ll tell you why that MAY happen.  I was so proud of myself that I had bought all the ingredients for my husband’s favorite pie the day before, only to find out the morning of his birthday that I forgot to buy the crust. SH*T!  So, during our outing in the afternoon I had to take three children into the grocery store for ONE THING – the crust.  This was 30 minutes of my life I will never get back. 
     The recipe for mothers in grocery stores is for every minute you spend selecting and paying for your items, you will spend 10 minutes chasing down your children and explaining to them why they can’t have all the candy they lay their eyes on.  By the time we got home I had 20 minutes to make a cream pie I’ve never made before and that requires “stirring constantly” for at least 3 of the steps and requires it to be “chilled until firm”.  Are you f*#&ing kidding me?!  I have such recipe ADD that I don’t even remember to stir my eggs constantly when I’m trying to scramble them.  Just this morning I burned my eggs because I had left the stove to put in a load of laundry.  (By the way, Husband from Heaven just took away my kitchen privileges). 
Stirring Constantly!

At least it looks pretty! 
      Grandma, however, will be happy to know that despite my adding a few of my own touches (i.e. graham cracker crust instead of salted crust, something that my husband was quick to point out, and I’m pretty certain that I burned the custard a bit), the pie was actually edible and did get a thumbs up!  My husband also forgave me for locking him out of the house for 10 minutes while I finished whipping the cream for the top of the pie.
And, those are only three of the highlights of the 6 things I did in that 2 hour period.  Let’s see what tomorrow’s holiday joy brings!

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