Friday, October 21, 2011

Exorcise the Demons . . .

Only Ace Ventura: Pet Detective fans will appreciate that line, but it so perfectly fits what happened this past week.  Mommies, by this post I am giving all of you carte blanche to get massages.  Oh, and cavities filled at the dentist office.  Now, the massages I’m getting are far from relaxing, but I am certain that by the time I’m done, I will have exorcised 37 years worth of demons from my muscles and tissues.  And as for the other demons this week, for the first time since I was a teenager I had two cavities that had to be filled. 
 Here’s what I learned about exorcising the demons in your body:
1)      Brush and floss your d@mn teeth! How is it that 6 months ago my teeth were perfect, and now I have TWO cavities?!  I think my dentist was lying to me six months ago and just left small cavities that got bigger and now they had to be filled!  Haaaa!  J  But, here’s my recommendation if you HAVE to get cavities filled - when selecting a dentist, you really should get one with a sense of humor.  My dentist asked me if I’d like a movie during my cavity extractions.  I was expecting the usual choices of Disney movies and rated PG selections.  Oh no, not this dentist.  Mine had “Eddie Murphy: RAW” as an option.  Now, all of you know that I can’t pass up an opportunity to hear more cuss words.  The problem . . . it’s really not a good idea to watch a funny movie when you have a dentist with a drill in your mouth.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to laugh while it sounds like you are literally being sawed in half?!  Although the screeching sound of the drill was horrible, my entertainment was better than laughing gas, and my dentist visit made my day!  Thank you Dr. Bold!  If you’re in the market for a new dentist as well as some great entertainment, visit Jeremy Bold

That evil dentist smile makes this priceless!  It's like something straight out of
Little Shop of Horrors!

2)      Now for the massage – I’m pretty certain it is not a good thing when the massage therapist says to you “the only thing in your body that should be this hard is your bones”.  When she got to my butt muscles, it was literally like there was a steel plate in there that she had to work through.  Now THAT is what they call buns of steel! 

3)      When you leave the massage therapist and she says “you should do what you can to hydrate and clean out your system today”, the best thing to do is eat tater tots for dinner.  I’m certain that helps with the system cleanse.  Seriously, I’m never going to get my system cleaned out, am I?!  Well, might as well go for broke . . . watermelon shooters is tomorrow – it’s got fruit and I’m certain it will clean out my system as it burns my throat on the way down!  Added bonus . . . it makes all the "mommy, mommy, mommy" requests sound like a beautiful muscial tune.  Oh, no, wait, that's smoking pot - not that I'd know what that's like (and BFF Molly, so help me, if you comment here, I'm pullin' out all those circa 1994 photos of us in Amsterdam).
P.S. if you need a wonderful sports massage therapist, contact Kathleen McCabe at 619-672-1173 or  She's fantastic.

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