Thursday, June 23, 2011

Camp Heather Monologues

To round out my first week of blogs we'll go back to the posts that inspired me to start writing in the blog . . . Camp Heather Monologues. After this I'll go to weekly blogs rather than daily. This has been fun, but lord have mercy, a time suck!!!

Following are my 15 lessons learned from having my children home all week and trying to entertain them. Lets just say that I am more grateful than ever for the Boys & Girls Clubs 1pm drop in hours! And, next week two of the three munchkins are going to sleep away camp for two weeks. Seriously, how do all you mommies out there do this for 12 weeks?! I'm completely exhausted and it's week 2. God Bless you all.

Camp Heather Lessons from Day 1
1) Craft projects are only good for 48 minutes of entertainment (especially for a 4 year old who decides halfway through making Daddy's Father's Day present that her arms are broken and she does not know how to write her letters anymore), so you better have something else up your sleeve;

2) When allowing the children to have a water balloon fight, be sure you shut the door into the kitchen BEFORE you say "Go"!

3) During the school year somehow the children manage to last 6 hours on only a PB & J sandwich, piece of fruit and a granola bar; yet when there is 24/7 access to the pantry they all of a sudden eat like they are the starting line-up for the Chargers (or Broncos if you live in this house).

Lessons Learned - Day 2

1) Do not be fooled by the cute faces of little people. When you have your back turned to lecture (in a kind, firm and sometimes not loud voice) one of the three munchkins living in your house, be assured that the other two have made an even bigger mess than the first one did.

2) Do not make appointments for the orthodontist too close to the time you are at a water park. Removing the children before they are ready will take three times as long as necessary.

3) I should have been an orthodontist . . . And I am going to sue all the writers of Baby Books. In none of those books did it tell me that helping my child find her fingers so she could self soothe and put herself to sleep easily would result in $6,000+ in orthodintic work. I'm not sure all that sleep I got was worth it. Maybe I'm just delirious!

Monologues Day 3 - Lessons from the Beach

1) It doesn't matter if it's cloudy and all the moms look like they are ready for the ski slopes; the kids will endure teeth chattering cold to have fun with their friends at the beach!

2) There are many crevices in little girls bodies where sand can sneak into and irritate, particularly when they are pencil thin and their butts don't fill out their bathing suits that are two sizes too small already.

3) When in the car driving home from the beach, do not let your 7 year old (who takes extraordinary joy in shocking her sisters) have a Capri Sun in the car where she can pretend to "pee" on the floor. (I think smoke may have been coming out of my ears and I almost pulled the old "don't make me pull this car over" on that girl).

Day 4 - Lessons from the Jam Kitchen

Preface to today - I actually thought it would be a good idea to make Cherry Jam with the girls and three of their playdates. I turned out to be absolutely right!!! Whew, something that went right. The girls have a great memory, and Mommy has a year's worth of Cherry Jam!

1) When you say "you need to smoosh the cherries more", your 7 year old heard "you need to raise the smashing tool above your head and SLAM it down into the cherries". Mommy's foresight to put everyone, including herself, in aprons really paid off on this one.

2) When listening to Glee Cast Radio on Pandora, make sure you double check the play list. Imagine my relief that the children were outside when the Explicit version of Cee Lo's Forget You song came on. Even my sailor mouth was taken aback. Oh, and also, be sure to "thumbs down" songs you don't want to hear again. After three hours the songs actually start to replay. Again, the children were outside.

3) If you have naked boy barbies, it means that when you grow up your boyfriends will be naked. This was four year old Id's argument trying to convince me to manufacture boy barbie clothes out of my @*! when we were unable to find any in the hundreds of clothes we have. I think Ken is now wearing a wedding dress. I think we will also save for next summer the lesson that when you are older you will actually WANT your boyfriends to be naked. Oh, wait, did I somehow mess up the lesson I want her to learn?!

Day 5 - Bad day Monologue

Preface - the children lost their privilege to go to the Wild Animal Park.

1) When you take away a privilege, and that privilege is the only activity you have planned for that day, you better have a good back up plan because you still have to entertain the children.

2) Mommies also need time outs. I'm not saying locking yourself inside the house and your children in the backyard is the best strategy, but it is better than some of the alternatives. I did allow the children to come in to go to the bathroom, but I seriously contemplated telling them to just cop a squat in the bushes - the dog does it all the time; why can't the kids who often behave like animals?!

3) Always be nice to your mommy. If you're lucky, there will come a time when you have three children of your own and your mom (ok, and your dad too) buys a house near the beach and then she offers to take your children for an overnight so that you and your husband can have some "alone time".

Ok, until next week - Peace Out!

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