Wednesday, April 18, 2012

I surrender . . . to the lunchbox

So before I start my post today, I want to give an anonymous shout out to the mom who I saw in the grocery store parking lot in her stylish high heels, very cute business dress carrying one child to the car while asking the other child (who had no desire to pay attention to her mommy) to sit in her seat so her seatbelt could be tightened.  The kids had to be about 2 and 4 years old and I started having flashbacks remembering that life.  As I was walking into the grocery store in my flip flops and shorts looking like a 16 year old who just got her driver’s license, I realized just how different my life is.  So, props to my “sister” and all those other mommies in high heels who have no idea who I am, but the universe knows I’m giving them a shout out and they'll feel it somehow because we all have secret mommy mind reading superpowers!

As I mentioned in the last post, I’ve been part of the “Ultimate Blog Party” this week where  I’ve visited and am following some sites, have some new friends following my insanity and I’ve realized something . . . I am as much of a party animal in the virtual world as I am in the real world.  Which is to say that I’m a complete loser who can’t seem to get her act together enough even to party!  I have not had time to post at all this week because I’m too busy chasing my life and don’t have time to put down all the moments that I would love to share so that you can laugh at . . . I mean, with, me!

But, today, I couldn’t take it anymore . . . I had to confess that I have finally accepted my fate that one of my “job duties” as a stay at home mom is to make lunches.  Yes, for Bree VandeCamp type mommies the first thing they do after they drop the children off in the morning is make the beautiful lunch with cutout sandwiches for the next days lunch.  For me, this task is right up there with a visit to the gynecologist.  It's a necessity, but no one would choose to do it.  (By the way, Husband from Heaven is horrified I just made that reference.  I might be put on a blogging time out).  :-)  I have literally fired nannies because they kept forgetting to make the girls lunches and it annoyed me.  When I first became a SAHM I would make the excuse that I couldn’t make the girls lunches because they wouldn’t eat what I put in them.  So everyday I would go through the painful 20 minute process of corralling the children to make their own lunches.  And then, yesterday, it happened . . . I got the Dear Mrs. Dugdale call that might as well have been a call saying “I’m sorry, but this is the last straw, we are going to have to call CPS”.

Here’s what I've learned the last few days about cutting corners and secret mommy superpowers:

1)      When you allow your five year-old to pack her own lunch, it very well could result in the following phone call from the school office “Hello Mrs. Dugdale, I am calling today to ask if it is ok if we feed the Id (the baby) in the cafeteria today; her lunch consisted of a piece of bread and some rotten apples.”  And to this you will reply “when she left this morning she had a full lunch, I’m not sure what happened.”  All the while you are thinking to yourself “sh*t, did she really leave the house with a piece of bread and some rotten fruit in her lunch?!  Hell if I know, I have no idea what she put in that lunchbox last night!”  Here’s the worst part, Husband from Heaven has discovered just how many times mommy has forgotten the baby’s lunch at home because he can see that her lunch account is conspicuously smaller than the other two children.    D@mnit, caught again!

This is a completely random picture of the girls having lunch at the restaurant Stacked.  I just wanted to have a photo, and thought this would be fun.  By the way, if you live near a Stacked restaurant, I definitely recommend stopping in.

2)      The 24 hour day was invented by a man.  There is no possible way that a woman would put only 24 hours in a day – we need at least an extra 8 hours (in addition to the 8 minutes it takes to make your children’s lunch) so that we can accomplish everything and actually get all that “beauty rest” we’re supposed to.

3)      When you have only 15 minutes to drive home, throw a load of laundry in the washer and the dryer and get back in time for your third child’s karate class to start, you really should bet your husband a day at the spa that you can make it in time.  He was convinced that I couldn’t possibly accomplish all that in 15 minutes.  Superman has got nothin’ on this momma.  Not only did I get to the house, put a load in the washer AND dryer, I got back with 5 minutes to spare and I had the baby doing her reading homework before karate class started!  How else would I fit all this into that 24 hour day I’m confined to?!

Lesson for today . . . create a secret lunch account that daddy doesn’t know about so the children can eat lunch every day for $2.50.  Oh, wait, did I just out myself?!


  1. Oh I concur. I make their lunches, but I hate it EVERY day. They sure as hell don't get bento boxes w/ amazing creatures and fun food, they get a sandwich, a capri sun, a fruit cup, and a snack sized bag of some sort of chips/pretzels every day. You'd think they'd WANT to eat hot lunch, but they don't, at least not the little ones, the teens do.

    1. Your lunches sound even better than mine do! Tonight I accepted my fate and actually enjoyed lunches; but, I think that's only because I just went to Costco and have a bunch of their snacks and know they won't complain tomorrow! :)

  2. Our boys were in public school for a few years before we started home educating and yes...they would literally throw out their lunches and plead innocence with the school people (I will say vampires...we can all relate) to get their "free" lunches. "But mom, I didn't have to pay for it." No, you didn't, I is the bill!

    Yes, I got those phone calls letting me know I was a horrible mother and that they were one step away from calling Social Services.

    Since we pulled them out, it took a little over a year to teach them HOW to eat and WHY they need to eat healthy without the influence of nasty little peers that think they know more than their peers mother. So much for getting "health" education in school. You would THINK they would have learned about health and nutrition in school, but it was head knowledge only...just to pass a test. Not life lessons...HUGE difference.

    I am now done with my rant. :)

  3. I liked packing lunches for my toddler when he was young enough to eat everything and be appreciative for my efforts (shaped sandwiches, etc.). Now that he's so picky we just find one thing that works and go with that over and over and over and over. I'm not even packing them, he just eats the same boring thing at home now so I can guarantee food gets in his body.