Duh-saster!

Warning: The following contains many cuss words!  Mommy's MAD!

The last several days I’ve been thinking about re-posting my lice blog because it was so helpful to many people, and we’ve been in the clear for a while now.  Well wouldn’t you know that today the 2^nd grader comes home and says “Mommy, FOUR kids in my class were sent home from school today with lice.” I became nauseous at that point.  After I picked myself up, I decided to use our electric comb to check the girls hair.  First up was the Ego (the second grader) – she was clear – shwew!  Next we move to the Superego (the oldest child) who yesterday and earlier today I noticed had scratched her head.  Wouldn’t you know it, I found TWO bugs, and that was only the beginning.  Luckily, so far, the Id, Daddy and I are also safe.  I’m crossing my fingers we’ve limited it to one child (who, by the way, is so traumatized she slept on the floor in the hallway – she’s afraid to go anywhere near her bed and there's no way we're letting her near our bed).  All three children slept with mayonnaise in their hair overnight just as a precaution. 

And, wouldn’t you know it, the day before all this happened “husband from heaven” (who every once in a while has an un-heavenly moment) got fed up with the lice infested stuffed animals taking up his garage space.  They had been in there for six weeks and were well beyond the recommended “quarantine time” so he decided it was time for the animals to come back in and he told the children to pull out all the bags and put the stuffed animals away. 

Here’s what happens when mommy goes out for a girls night and daddy’s in charge of “putting away” the stuffed animals.  Oh, and also what happens when you find a lice re-infestation in your house:

1)      Sh*t, d@mn, mother f*$&%#, son of a b!tch will all come out of your mouth in successive order, and it will be so bad that your 9 year-old will say “mommy, you already said that”.  Seriously, at this very moment I cannot think of anything worse than a lice re-infestation.  We’re making a hair shaving appointment immediately.

2)      This is what your living room will look like when the animals have been released, and it will still look like that when you arrive home at 11:00pm.  Sh*t, d@mn, mother f*$&%#, son of a b!tch, I should not have come home!

Do not let the fact that the children look like they are
cleaning fool you.  I think those were the only
things they put away that night.  It's a show for the camera.

3)      After you have combed the children’s hair, you will need to boil the lice combs to kill any eggs or bugs and to sterilize the combs.  When you decide to put the combs into a pot that just happens to be boiling on the stove, you may want to first ask your husband if he had anything for which he was going to use the water he boiled.  Apparently he didn’t read my mind as to the need for a boiling pot of water, he was actually boiling water to be made into iced tea.  Sh*t, d@mn, mother f*$&%#, son of a b!tch, I should have checked.  Oh well, I got there first, and payback's a b!tch for the stuffed animal mess!

Seriously, again, lice sucks.   A few tips to protect yourself and your kids are contained in my previous blog Dirty Little Secret.  The primary differences I can deduce between the child that has lice and the other two; 1) the child with lice washes her hair every day (the other two it’s every other day or every three days) – lice like clean hair; 2) Suave coconut conditioner  - it wasn’t until yesterday that I realized the child with lice had not been using the coconut conditioner when she washed her hair, but the other two have been – lice don’t like coconut (or so the websites say).  We also have all been using only our own brushes.  DO NOT share brushes with anyone in your family!  My last tip - be ubervigilant, and do not assume it can't happen to you!