Monday, November 28, 2011

Two words . . . De-Tox!

Oh, I guess that’s only one word. . .  We have not yet finished our two week vacation, but I’m quite certain I’ve become an alcoholic.  I started my vacation with Sex on the Beach, and just yesterday had a Brazilian Hottie in Ft. Lauderdale.  And they were goooooooood.  Oh, wait, my mother-in-law reads this . . . My husband said he thinks I've had more mixed drinks in the last two weeks than he's ever seen me have.  He's right.  I just like saying the names of them!  :-)  I’ve also gained 10 pounds from eating two desserts a day and all the food I lay my eyes on.  It’s gonna take some serious triathlon training to get me back in shape.
We’ve almost survived 16 suitcases, 14 days, 5 Dugdales, and 1 mommy who’s sitting by a pool in Ft. Lauderdale wondering when the drink cart will pass by.  We’re at a Best Western, so I’m not sure they have those, but the liquor store next door might just do the trick.
We’ve had a tremendous trip that began in the happiest place on earth and then took us swimming with Stingrays in Cozumel, ziplining the rainforest in Costa Rica and traveling by boat through the Panama Canal.  We also had 2-3 hours a day when we had free babysitting on the Cruise ship, so we really can’t complain . . . but, this is my blog, and if I’m being perfectly honest (which I, of course, always am) . . .  24/7 with three children in an area the size of a walk in closet is a recipe for putting yourself into a looney bin. 

Yes, the Superego has the Ego in a headlock!
Currently the children are all on beach chairs that are 15 feet apart because the moment they get within a foot of each other it becomes the WWWF – Ft. Lauderdale.  I think there was actual smoke coming out of my ears when they decided to pick the flowers on nearby plants and throw them into the pool.  If there weren’t other people in the pool area, I may have actually thrown the children in with those flowers.
Needless to say, I’m looking forward to getting back to the insanity that is my normal life; but in the meantime, and for your enjoyment, here are a few things I learned about Family Fun – Holiday Torture, I mean Travel, style:
1)   If you have a child you have nicknamed The Id and she has long blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes, DO NOT send her to the kids club on a cruise ship.  After the first day she MAY tell you about getting kissed by “Jeremiah”.  It wasn’t until two days later that I finally met Jeremiah’s mommy and apparently Jeremiah likes to hug and kiss everyone!  Although this may be true, the Id couldn’t wait to get back to the kids club to tell Jeremiah that “it’s not appropriate to kiss and hug!”  I’d believe that she told him this if it weren’t for the fact that the entire staff at the kids club told me of her “relationship” with Jeremiah.  Anyone know the phone number for a good all girls boarding school?  I might need that!

The trifecta in front of camp carnival.  They are not touching each
other in the photo because this was take 6 of the picture.
Each time before that they had each other in a headlock!
2)   If you and your five year old get into an argument about which pants she should wear to see Jeremiah at the kids club, you MAY not want to carry your child (who is naked from the waist down) through the hallway of the cruise ship while she is screaming at the top of her lungs “I cannot go out in public naked, it’s not appropriate”.  I’m certain that our cruise neighbors are still judging my parenting skills for that one.  I just had to get her into Grandma’s room before I actually threw her overboard!
3)   When you decide to go to the Black Friday sale at the kids club where they are selling stuffed dolls for $5, make sure you ask them if the animal has its own house and needs its own closet to be stored.  Silly mommy decided to buy the girls a “funship Freddy” doll for Christmas.  Little did mommy know that “Freddy” is like a Build-a-bear where you get all the stuffing and his clothes and you have to stuff him and put him together yourself.  Are you f*#&ing kidding me?!  We now have 3 bags of stuffing and Freddy dolls hidden in the girls’ carseat bag.  I’m hoping they don’t discover them before we get home.

Recommendation for vacations with kids (ok, they’re not really vacations, they’re trips) – Carnival Cruise Lines was fantastic!  From excellent service to a great Camp Carnival for kids, we had an amazing trip and they really took great care of us.  

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