I cannot tell a lie . . .

. . . mommy got a tattoo.  I thought it only fitting that near Washington's birthday I should share just how far my cherry obsession has gone.

Of course, I realize that MY mommy’s mouth just fell on the floor.  Not quite sure about Husband from Heaven’s mommy, but I’m pretty sure a tattoo parlor was not exactly where she would envision her son spending Valentines Day with his wife.

So yes, I’ve taken my cherry obsession to the next level and here’s what I’ve learned

My teeth are shrinking . . .

. . . from all that f*&#ing valentines day candy you are eating.  Oh, no, that’s not what I said to the Id (the baby) today.  No, today she decided that she couldn’t do her chores because . . . and I quote “my teeth are shrinking”.  We can’t figure out if this is because her teeth hurt because she has a bacterial infection in them because her parents don’t adequately supervise the nighttime teeth brushing routine, or if this is one of those “I can’t do my chores because it takes away my smiles” moments.  Either way, Husband from Heaven couldn’t help himself but laugh out loud and make her repeat it to me.

On the valentines day candy note, we had our first annual Runamuk Manor Valentines making tea party yesterday. 

Here’s what I learned:

Abracadabra . . .

. . . POOF, you’re SECOND child is now one year shy of being a decade old too! (Warning . . . the following contains more cuss words than usual.  Mommy's not really sure why.  Maybe it's been building up.  She did drink 4 days this week).

WTF?! . . .when did my kids get so old?!  And, why have I not learned to stop asking the Ego (the middle child) what theme she wants for her birthday party?!  Last year it was Tom and Jerry.  Seriously, a cartoon that hasn’t seen primetime since I was in the third grade?!  This year it was Wizards of Waverly Place.  At least this year was a bit more mainstream, but girlfriend pushed my creativity limits because apparently no one does these kinds of parties.  Just ask Party City or Oriental Trading! 

First she asked to go to Medieval Times.  So instead of NOT cleaning my house,  NOT planning one single moment of the party, and sitting back and enjoying some good old fashioned entertainment. I had the brilliant idea that I would talk her into not just a party, but a sleepover!  I have GOT to stop drinking so much.

So, mommy just made sh*t up, as she’s been known to do.  At the very bottom of the post is a list of the things I did along with the spells/rhymes to go along with them.  Unless you plan on pulling a rabbit out of your @$& . . . I mean, hosting a Wizards of Waverly Place party, you can stop reading after lesson #4!

Here’s what mommy learned about magically bringing your child’s birthday wishes come true (and pulling a few surprises out of her @$&):

Operation Groundhog!

You've heard of Punxsutawney Phil, well meet Do-si-do Dottie!!

It's Girl Scout cookie time and mommy's absolutely lost her mind (as if this was a surprise to anyone).

Today as I was pondering what to do for Groundhog day (and in case you are wondering, yes, I've been drinking a lot lately, hence coming up with the idea to do something for Groundhog Day), I came across this adorable dessert in the Disney Family Fun magazine.  I'd show you a picture of what theirs looked like, but a) I can't find it on the internet; and b) why would I do that and show you what this is actually supposed to look like?!  Their dessert is a groundhog made with Pepperidge Farm Mint Milano cookies and Oreos, among other things.

As I looked in my garage at more girl scout cookies than I could ever fathom I thought "well, why should I pay extra for cookies when I've got a few right here?!".  Of course, the ever frugal Husband from Heaven pointed out that I would have gotten waaaaaay more cookies for much cheaper if I had bought the Milanos and Oreos!

But, alas, in true mommy fashion I decided to make my own version of Groundhog cookies and this is how they turned out:

The girls mimicking what emotion they think their groundhog has!  The Ego's got a pretty good "mad" face.  And we all know how much practice the Id has had with the fake sad face!!!

These were super easy to make.  Just make pudding according to this recipe (this was sooooo good).
Then, use the following ingredients:
Crushed Thin Mints
Do-si-do cookies
Slivered almonds (2 for the ears and smaller broken pieces for teeth)
Butterscotch, peanut butter or white chocolate chips (whatever might be in your cupboard)
Black or brown frosting or gel

Crush up the thin mints and put on top of the pudding

Put some slivered almonds in a Do-si-do for ears;
Attach the chips (we used white chocolate and "glued it on" using left over pudding);
Put some gel dots on for eyes
Shove some almond pieces in under the white chocolate chips for teeth (check out the snaggle tooth below on the front left) and

Before you know it, you have Do-si-do Dottie!!

Hopefully the groundhog in your area didn't see it's shadow.  Here in San Diego, I'm not sure it's ever seen it's shadow.  I'm certain we'll see 80 degrees before the week is out.

I hope you enjoyed your Groundhog Day!  And, don't forget to support those girl scouts in your lives!

Veggies, Fruits and Nuts . . . Oh My!

So, I've neglected the blog for far too long, and now I'm about to embark on serving as a Girl Scout cookie cupboard for hundreds of girl scouts and I'm not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel!  How do I get into these things?!

At any rate, I received an e-mail several MONTHS ago from someone wanting to reach my audience.  I explained that my audience is small and mostly my friends and family.  And, despite my warnings of my irreverence and inappropriateness, the woman below still wanted to associate with me.  And, I thank her for her extraordinary patience as I have been taking so long to reply to her inquiry.

Today as I am still recovering from a particularly traumatizing trip to an unnamed cafeteria style restaurant that I was forced to go to at the birthday request of the Ego (middle child), I thought I should share the blog post below.  And by the way - props go out to Nana and Sir who also endured this trip despite our warnings that they did not have a wine selection and even if they did it would be of the box variety!  I don't think they'll be joining us for any more birthday dinners.

Hopefully you can find some interesting tips and ideas below.  And no, she is not irreverent or inappropriate like I am, so you get a break from that for once.  But, never fear, the Ego's birthday party shenanigans will be posted soon . . . as soon as I unbury from the 1200+ cases of cookies in my garage which, ironically, is the very reason that articles like the one below are so important.  :-)

Twas the second day of the year . . .

. . . and Mommy is just now recovering from ringing in the New Year in Las Vegas.  I will say that I'm not sure what was more shocking - seeing Elmo smoking behind one of the hotels as we drove up, or being greeted by the 46 degree weather when we opened the car door.  I had no idea that the casinos have made a deal with the devil so that in the summer you are melting and in the winter you turn into a popsicle, thereby ensuring that you are always indoors!

Rather than share resolutions that we all know I am going to break within 15 minutes, and before we get too far into 2013, here are my 2012 holiday lessons - at the very end are the 11th and 12th days of Christmas Shenanigans - need to include those so I can find them next year.  :-)  

On the tenth day of Christmas . . .

. . . Mommy’s got to make this quick.  The children are at Nana and Sir’s for the night and there’s lots to do.  But, I couldn’t resist sharing today’s shenanigans (and please note, no children, animals or bystanders were harmed in the making of these shenanigans - I will say a HUGE thank you to the Brodies for their sense of humor and for playing along with us):

Grandparents’ version

. . . ten laws a breaking! 

NOTE - No children or animals were harmed in the making of these photos!

Ten lords a leaping would be an awesome gift,


But they got stuck while jumping through a snowdrift. 

Instead, we caught the children in the act 

Of making mischief, and that's a fact!

Talking while driving

Assault

Drinking

Flashing

Speeding

"Stick em up Mister"

Kidnapping

Pick Pocket

Smoking

Tagging

 Friends’ version

Ten lords a leaping would be an awesome gift,

But they got stuck while jumping through a white snowdrift.

We had to be content, you see, to watch the popcorn fly.

So we've also given you some to try.


Mommy forgot completely to take the picture this time, so you have to settle for the box!  :-)