Friday, February 15, 2013

I cannot tell a lie . . .

. . . mommy got a tattoo.  I thought it only fitting that near Washington's birthday I should share just how far my cherry obsession has gone.

Of course, I realize that MY mommy’s mouth just fell on the floor.  Not quite sure about Husband from Heaven’s mommy, but I’m pretty sure a tattoo parlor was not exactly where she would envision her son spending Valentines Day with his wife.

So yes, I’ve taken my cherry obsession to the next level and here’s what I’ve learned

1) Tattoos hurt like a mother f*#&er!!!  And your friends who have tattoos are NOT going to tell you that.  Seriously, the last time I had that much pain that I inflicted on myself I was shooting babies out of body parts that are not meant to shoot out 7 pound bowling balls.  Of course, HfH trying to be supportive as I’m taking all the blood from his hand because I’m squeezing so hard, says to me “how did you have three babies?!”  Through my pain I said “epidural @$$hole”!  Speaking of babies, if you ever get this idea yourself, a stress ball and some Lamaze breathing will really come in handy!!!

2) HfH should never, ever, ever, let mommy go to poker night again!  It was there that she got this hair brained idea in the first place.

3) When you put your wife (who happens to be juggling the Girl Scout cookie cupboard for 100+ troops and probably has absolutely lost her mind) in charge of Valentines Day, it just might end up being a white trash V-day that starts with trail mix and soda at the AM/PM and ends with a glass of wine at BJ’s with a stop at a tattoo parlor on the way (of course BJ’s is not the white trash part – we were going to go to In n Out Burger to round it out, but mommy desperately needed a glass of wine).  And by the way, the sexual references to both of those restaurants and in the same sentence as Valentines Day is not lost on me.  (HfH just revoked my blogging privileges again).

This is upside down, but you get the idea.  They are on my right hip.
Here’s a dirty little secret – once you start revealing that you have a tattoo to all of your suburban housewife stay at home mommy friends, they will start showing you THEIR tattoos.  I swear, we should all be in a biker bar!!  Then I started counting how many ladies in my bunco group have tattoos – at least one quarter of us, and I’m quite certain the rest of those ladies will be coming out of the woodwork to show me theirs too!  Next to lice, this is the best kept suburban housewife secret out there!!!!

For all you doubters who think it's fake!!  :-)  That water bottle, by the way, was crushed by the end of the session.
Well, it hurt like hell, but I am so happy with my cherries!!  If you ever want a tattoo in North San Diego County, go to Dermal Grafix in Escondido and ask for Jessie.  She was amazing!!!

Now, back to mommy duty!

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