Woa woa, I gotta go . . . back to school . . .

FINALLY!

Admit it, you all could just see Michelle Pfeifer in her pink lady jacket, couldn't you?!  

The girls started school and mommy is getting back to some semblance of sanity . . . well, at least for a few hours of the day.  Of course, this post is about a week late because we had out of town guests, a birthday party and the Labor Day holiday and it just didn’t get done.  But, for those of you waiting for the birthday party post, never fear, it will come in the next few days!

In the meantime, here’s what I learned about when mommy’s are left unattended all day:

1)    That 6 hour period when the children are at school is necessary therapy for your nerves that will then prepare you for the 4 hour onslaught that occurs the moment the children set foot in your car at pick up.   Everyday I tell myself “I will not yell at the children, I will not yell at the children . . . “ and everyday I find myself yelling at the children “I SWORE I WOULDN’T YELL AT YOU TODAY AND NOW LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO”! D@MNIT (I only add the last word sometimes)!

      2) Our generation really needs to bring back Valium and the mandatory cocktail hour.  The Greatest Generation had it right with ½ a valium always at the ready and cocktail hour that was a sacred no children zone where they knew how to do it right . . . with scotch.  None of this wine business!!!

3)  When you buy a training bra for your 5 year old, you MAY need to convince her that wearing that bra with a shirt that looks like it was worn by Irene Cara in Flashdance is completely inappropriate for the first day of school.  I can see the “Dear Mrs. Dugdale note now – Dear Mrs. Dugdale: dressing your child like a $2 hooker just isn’t appropriate on this side of the tracks!”  And yes, I know what you all are thinking “what the hell is she thinking giving that child a training bra, she won't have boobs for at least 15 more years?!”  The answer . . . momma had bigger hills to die on that day.

This is the shirt with her bathing suit on, but you can get the picture.

4)  Without the children . . . in 12.4 minutes I can get through 3 stores and purchase a week’s worth of groceries with enough time left over to stop and get gas.  With the children . . . in 12.4 minutes I’m lucky if I get out of the car and to the front door of the first store!  Better still is if I can make it to that front door without one of the children crying because her sister smacked the crap out of her.

And of course, what you've all known was coming . . .

5)  You can change the children’s schools, but you can’t change the children . . . it took less than 5 days at a new school for us to get a “Dear Mrs. Dugdale” note.  This one asked “is the [Superego (i.e. the fifth grader] always wiggly and talking over others, or is this something new?!”  Without consultation Husband from Heaven and I emailed back almost simultaneously and gave separate but the same answer “Nope, this is just her and we were hoping she wouldn’t show her true colors this early.”  

This child being "wiggly" is going to be the least of my problems, I fear . . .

And finally, when you have a back to school cooking project, DO NOT turn your back on the children . . . they may turn your A+ cookies into C’s, D’s and F’s! 

Smart@$&es!!!

These cupcakes were borrowed from Disney Family Fun and were easy, fast and fun to make and the kids loved taking them in their lunch boxes –

            Funfetti cake mix

            Lemon frosting

            Yogurt covered raisins (for the “chalk”)

            Fudge cookies (for the blackboards)

            White decorating frosting

            Green and red decorating gel (to make the apples that on our cupcakes look like red and green blobs).