Monday, July 8, 2013

Life Happens . . .

. . . when you have other plans.

This past week was one of those where we had planned a Triathlon, a visit to the County Fair, Camp Runamuk and a 3 day vacation within the span of 5 days.  I say “we” as if Husband from Heaven had anything to do with packing that much insanity into such a short span of time.   I really shouldn’t put this on him . . . then again . . . he’s not getting off that easy because he is what we call an "enabler", so I think he’s half responsible!

In hindsight, it was one of those weeks where I look back and think “how the f*&# did I fit that much sh*t into 7 days?! Actually, I didn't . . .

Yeah, this week the universe had slightly different plans for mommy, and rather than a Triathlon she started the week with TWO visits to the ER and ended it putting the dog to sleep (Ok, I have to admit . . . HfH actually took the dog because Mommy was too traumatized).

But, as we all know, mommies don’t actually get sick days, and as usual, we did almost everything and of course, I learned a few things along the way:
1)   Just say no to drugs . . . for if you do, and you suddenly find yourself in the ER for stomach pain, they will offer you a narcotic (which, of course, no stay at home mommy in her right mind would say no to), and here's a little secret . . . it will work WAAAAAAAY faster if that is the only drug your system has seen since you gave birth to the little rugrats who probably caused your ER visit in the first place.

Yeah, we're pretty sure mommy entertained the hospital staff with all the craziness that came out of her mouth.  Oh yeah, and see that yellow bracelet on my right hand?!  That's the bracelet to get me into the triathlon for which I'm supposed to be getting up 4 hours after this picture was taken.  Even the nurse said "sh*********t, that's a bummer" when I told her where I was supposed to be the next day.
2)   When you go into the ER, DO NOT bring your husband in to hear the diagnosis from the Doctor.  It’s just better if he does not have an opening to say to the Dr. “so you’re saying that there’s nothing wrong with her other than she’s full of sh*t?!”  Not going to go into further detail, but let’s just say that HfH's reference was literal and it gave him some ammunition for a looooooooong time.

3)   When you host Camp Runamuk, and you will be leaving for a trip 3 hours after the TWENTY children go home, telling the children NOT to stick their heads in dirty water balloon water is just an open invitation for THIS.

Two of those children are mine, and the other two are those of very good friends of mine.  
The rest of the children, of course, heeded the warning!  
4)   If you try to fit this much sh*t into your week, THIS is what your kitchen will look like at 11pm the night before you leave

Even I get heartburn looking at that!  Of course, what this doesn't depict is that as a result of my shenanigans, I had to borrow eggs from my friends the next day because I had to bake a second round of banana bread to get it right, and I also forgot the chocolate in the cherry chocolate chunk muffins.  D@MNIT!
5)   DO NOT store the hamster in your bathtub in an effort to hide him from the children.  For if you do, when you return from a vacation and all you want to do is take a bath and relax, you may find THIS little gift from your family pet!  

6)   When you try to explain to your 8 year-old that the dog has to go to doggie heaven because he has cancer and is in a lot of pain that we can’t fix, prepare yourself for the following question “Mommy, if I ever get cancer will you kill me?”  SH***********T.  The best I could come up with was that they don’t have the same kind of medicine for dogs as they do for humans.  She’s not buyin’ it, so if anyone’s got some better explanations, please share!!!

We took these pictures BEFORE we told the children.  Mommy's already losing it.

In his happy place with a big ol jar of Peanut Butter!  A sweet last treat for a sweet, sweet dog!
            And one of the most important lessons . . . some weeks are like a jelly donut – there’s a whole lot of sh*t you have to get through on both sides, but the jelly filled center is heaven!

At that Fair!  So much to do, so little time!

Even the fair's got a sense of humor!!!

They didn't say don't point the teats!  That doesn't count as "twisting, or bending", does it?!

Don't let those little smiles fool you!  This picture was such a pain in the @$$ to get I should
have made the children walk the plank on that pirate ship!

Snaggletooth would have fit right in on that thar pirate ship!  She lost that tooth about 4 hours later.
And, miracles never cease, the tooth fairy found her in Big Bear (she's always on top secret two week CIA missions when we're at home)!

4th of July in Big Bear with a Bowl of Cherries!  Life doesn't get any sweeter than that!!!!

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